Day 18: On the Road Again to Portlandia

Hidden deep in the north country, there is a magical kingdom called Portland. It is of this city that I would like to speak to you now.

I have seen only one episode of Portlandia, but that one episode had a profound impact on me. After watching that episode, all of a sudden, I had something to live for. Now, I did not think that Portland would live up to my expectations, and granted, in our visit I only saw a narrow slice of Portland life, but my goodness it was a tasty slice. I intend to go back for more, even though it was not the taste of Portland that I had expected.

We made our triumphant return to the road today with a casual ten-hour drive.  The day got off to an early start.  After some handy craftsmanship by Mr. Siete to get the shower working, the Four Lokos were ready to go!  We said goodbye to our amazing hosts and headed across the Golden Gate Bridge, off to the north country.

While we would have loved to take the longer, more scenic route up the coast, we had places to be and people to see.  Route 5 it was! (for about 550 mi).  The drive was relatively uneventful.  The Ocho pointed out the tiny town of Willows where her G-ma lives and we almost took a detour to the Sierra Nevada Brewery, but decided it would have taken too long. Also, we didn’t think we could fit a keg in the back.

An unusually long break was taken in the middle of the day.  We stopped for food, gas, groceries, and (drum roll, please) the Fourth Amigo got a new phone!  He upgraded to a smart phone after his last phone took a dunk in the Pacific.  Having doubled our supply of smart phones on this trip, we took the road once again, closing in on that aforementioned magical kingdom.

Seven hours later, we pulled off the interstate and found our host’s house on the outskirts of Portland.
  Our tour guides for our stay in Portland were our hosts, Gavin and his wife Suzie, and our MC, Brett.  (Shout out to The Captain’s brother for arranging this stay.)  They treated us right as we were handed the best ginger whiskeys we’ve ever tasted as soon as we walked in the door.  They had a full night of activities planned for us and around 9:30 we finally hit the town. But let me tell you, baby, the town hit back.

First stop was Deschutes Brewery.  LT2 was over the moon to find that they had a sour beer on tap!  Could this night get any better (hint, it can)!? It was decided that the main event for the night would be a drag show…I mean female impersonator show!  A quick stop was made at a bar for some social lubrication.  It was an interesting bar to say the least.  There were approximately 5 other patrons aside from us.  Two of them were painting and one woman was dancing by herself in a bit of a trance, but a trance that included robot dance moves.  We decided it was best to get moving again.

Thanks in part to our newly-acquired liquid courage from Deschutes and Sketchy Bar, we did not hesitate before entering the most magical of magical sanctums in Portland: Darcelle’s, a bar and showroom of “Female Impersonators.” We were there for Darcelle XV, a musical revue hosted by the lovely sixty-something-year old Darcelle and performed by a cast of five of the most ambiguously-attractive men-women I have seen all road trip. Dear Reader, let me tell you, they did not disappoint.

Darcelle XV is an amazing experience.  It was so bad, it was good!  No, it was great!  The Ocho repeatedly questioned how this place could still be in business, pointing out the low production value—all the music and singing was canned—and potentially overwhelming manliness of one of the performers, but the debate was moot because Darcelle’s was alive and well on this Friday night. There are a few pictures, but you will probably never see them, and none of us can run for public office now. Many of us, at one point or another, in one way or another, tipped the performers, and when they found out we were from the east coast, we did get interviewed a bit by one of the hosts. What a great man-lady. Very funny. Very sassy. All in all, it was a stellar night. Darcelle’s gets the old Amigo Seal of Approval.

Portland is a place of magic and mystery, where all the people are friendly, gender is a personal choice, and even uptight northeasterners can have a good time. Drag shows are amazing. Portland is amazing. It’s a shame we have to keep on trucking, but we’re off to Tacoma to meet more family of the Ocho, so we know the good times will keep on a-coming.

Over and out.